Settling in

The past 4 years of intense focus on my program has taken it out of my. I woke up one day after graduation and felt like my bones were tired. My soul craved connection and mindless existence. My head was desperate for a break, and the more primitive parts of me felt utterly neglected.

I often told Josh during school that the only thing I wanted in life was a weekend of silence, by myself, in the woods. To turn off my brain and be reminded of who I was-books and lectures and group projects aside.

While I did not anticipate finding a job would take this long, the last couple months have been an unbelievable blessing. It’s been a time of deep connection with the people I love, quiet reflection, walks to the park with Henry, hour-long phone calls with long-distant friends, and slow mornings with a cup of coffee. I certainly count myself spectacularly fortunate to be afforded things like “self care” and though I feel undeserving, I am so so grateful for this season.

Josh and I took our first little trip out to West Texas to Big Bend National Park as part of my disengagement therapy. We stayed in a super off-the-grid adobe hut built by the guy who rented it out to us. Henry came with us and it felt like such a perfect weekend in the desert laying low with my 2 favorites to be around.

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Perhaps it was for eggs, perhaps it was in protest to taking anymore long trips in the coming months and settling down, perhaps it was for the companionship…in whichever case, we also got some chickens. Princess Beyonce and Nasty Woman are now part of the family, happily pecking around in the backyard while Henry anxiously looks on through the kitchen window. We call it his “chicken TV”. Nothing has made me more at peace or happier lately than putzing around the backyard, cleaning out the coop, throwing Henry’s ball for the millionth time, turning the compost pile, raking up the leaves…The little moments that add up to such contentment. Getting to invest in my own space and having autonomy over how I spend my time and energy. I know better than to take those for granted after the years of hustle I just finished.

I am so happy with the speed of our life at the moment, the things we are dreaming up for our future now that school is out of the way, and for the life we have built in a place we adore. I did end up finding a part-time COTA job, and began treating patients this past week. It’s going to be a long time before I feel completely confident in the job I am doing, but I’m learning to be okay with that and trust the process. We won’t be traveling for the holidays because of my work schedule, so things certainly won’t be speeding up anytime soon. And I am not upset at the thought of more days ahead with my chickens, a good book, and plenty of space to settle into this weird new season of life. There is so much goodness in the ordinary days.

 

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